i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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