update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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