The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is the high leading the old right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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