I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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