Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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