i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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