Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
