at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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