Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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