everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize