3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
