Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
