Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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