Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize