I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
