would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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