Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
