My room smells like vodka and shame
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize