one two three fourrrrnication!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
