Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
