I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Two words: nipple clamps
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