Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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