You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize