that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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