doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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