ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
