i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They have beer where we have blood.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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