Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
