I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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