I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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