theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
