I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize