Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
