you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
