i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize