just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found your dick twin last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
