i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
pop tarts are not kleenex
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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