You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
