sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
