i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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