Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
