dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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