Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
