This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
