Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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