im about as happy as oj after his trial
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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