It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
