so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
