Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
