i don't like sucking hair
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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