I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize