A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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