Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
