Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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