The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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