We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
