how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
