she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
