All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
