No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
