OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
