It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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