I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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