New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
