i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
