My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
