you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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