Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
