Pants 0. Shit 1.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
