So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
