hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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