worst night to have a conscience
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
