Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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