ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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