my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
