overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
