I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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