Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
