O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
