you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
