this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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