it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
