my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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