Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
